Love at first sight is one of the oldest clichés. What does this quote mean in the 21st century with all the newest dating and relationship technologies? Today many people are heading to the Internet for love. So the question is can you find real love through website questionarires, email and instant messaging?
“The impact of emotionality and self-disclosure on online dating versus traditional dating,” a study by Larry D. Rosen, Nancy A. Cheever, Cheyenne Cummings, and Julie Felt says it is estimated that 40 million Americans visit online dating services monthly and that 25% of singles have tried one. Also, 14% of singles were dating; married to, or engaged to someone they met online (Rosen, Cheever, Cummings, & Felt, 2007).
In the Baran and Davis reading, they describe the five elements, or basic assumptions of the uses-and-gratifications model. One of the elements states “value judgments regarding the audience’s linking its needs to specific media or content should be suspended” (Baran & Davis 241). This means people use the media in different ways and people view the media in different ways. Some people view online dating sites as “creepy” because you never know whom you’re really talking to. However, some people swear by them. How do you think people perceive relationships that began online? Is there a stigma attached?
Baran and Davis write, “Defenders of new media advocate the merits of using social networking websites, e-mail, and text messaging to maintain contact with a wide variety of friends,” (Baran & Davis 241) I think this idea can be related to relationships. I’m sure many of us know someone or was the person who came to college with a boyfriend and girlfriend and realized they couldn’t do the long distance relationship. However, some people still do this everyday. Do you think with technologies like webcams and text messaging, it is possible to maintain a relationship where two people barely see each other in the “real” world?
The second idea I ask is why do people turn to online relationships to begin with? In the Utilization of Mass Communication by the Individual, Katz, Blumler, and Gurevitch write, “The media compete with other sources of need satisfaction. The needs served by mass communication constitute but a segment of the wider range of human needs,” (Katz, Blumler, & Gurevitch, 165) For billions of people love is a human need and they want to find their “soul mate.” Has the Internet just made it easier to do that? Has it made it easier to fulfill our need for love?
Once upon a time, students had to visit the library to find books and do research. Society used to write hand-written letters to send and would have to wait days, sometimes even weeks, for a response.People were once reliant on other people to update them on their favorite television programs that they had missed. And at one time, single people met other single people at Church groups, at clubs, at community events, at work, and through family members and friends.
ReplyDeleteIn modern times, “as most media use is so passive and habitual” (Barans and Davis; 238), it is difficult to remember these times as technology has made everything so easy, so available, and so accessible to each individual. Most students are more inclined to do their research online where they can really refine their searches for specific information rather than rummage through books and articles in the library. Don’t know it? Google it. People send e-mails not just from their home computers and laptops but also from their Blackberries and Smartphones and expect relatively quick responses.Between DDR, On Demand, and the Internet, one can view that missed show whenever he or she has the time. As for meeting one’s soul mate, after completing a preliminary questionnaire and making a payment of $30 or so to join, websites such as eHarmony.com and Match.com will find that love.
Though beneficial in a number of ways, advancements in technology and the Internet are helping to cultivate a society in which immediate gratification is both expected and provided. With so much available at our fingertips, we need only the click of a button to be given instantaneously all that we desire in that particular moment. Receiving an e-mail in a timely fashion or researching online are processes in which instantaneity are beneficial, helpful, and effective. As for online dating services, however, it may not be as helpful to fill out a survey and have a website match people up based on their results. It may be, possibly, even detrimental to one’s quest for “true love”.
In the Utilization of Mass Communication by the Individual, Katz, Blumler, and Gurevitch write that “mass communication is used by the individual to connect themselves” (166). People use sites to connect themselves to others. These dating services advertise “finding one’s perfect match” in no more than six months. Participants are required to take different variations of personality quizzes, to complete a survey pertaining to the type of person they are looking for, and to make a payment in order to be instantly matched with people of similar results and to be able to view those profiles. Once a participant has found a profile he or she likes, he or she is able to initiate communication through e-mailing and instant messaging. He or she may communicate with more than one match with the ability to stop communication at any time or take it to the next step of maybe speaking on the phone or physically meeting each other, if desired.
As with everything, pros and cons apply to the Internet dating process. These sites allows one to really narrow down the prospective matches as he or she is able to accept and reject them according to whether or not he or she is interested in the profile’s information. Participants are able to meet a number of people in a relatively short amount of time and are also able to get to know a match better sooner as people tend to be more open with information online than in person. People sitting behind computer screens have more courage to say things that may not have necessarily said in person- which may be a con as well as a pro. As one needs not to provide any personal information, it is a relatively safe way to meet people. Also, if one is rejected, it is less hurtful when rejected by a person one has never met in person.
(2 of 2) However, there are several disadvantages to searching for love on the Internet as well. First of all, it is a costly experience as participants may have to make monthly or bimonthly payments which add up after a while. It is an addictive process as one can spend numerous amounts of hours viewing profiles and chatting with different people which keeps participants confined to their computers, missing out on meeting people in the real world and dating.
ReplyDeleteAlso, participants must be willing to be in a long distance relationship or to pack up and leave their lives to be with their match. Long distance relationships are difficult enough to deal with and maintain but is it really a relationship when the pair has only physically met once or twice or maybe never? It is hard to accept that two people can truly be in love when they have not experienced a daily relationship in which they are physically together, talking, dealing with everyday situations and conflicts, learning about each other’s habits and pet peeves, and working through the rough patches of the day. And if one party does choose to relocate and pursue an everyday relationship, what happens if the pair learns that they were not, in fact, as the dating website led them to believe, “the perfect match”?
Finally, though online dating is slowly becoming more popular and more accepted, there is a negative perception of people who begin their relationships online that is held by the general public. For an outsider, it may be difficult to comprehend the reasoning one may choose this path than the traditional one and therefore, it is difficult for the outsider to take seriously or to approve of.
As described in Barans and Davis, the uses-and-gratifications approach is one that focuses “on the uses to which people put media and the gratifications they seek from those uses” (232). When a person joins an online match-finding service, it is more than likely because that person, is not simply hoping to meet someone, but more so expecting to meet someone. He or she has filled out the questionnaires and made the payment to the most “legitimate” service promising true love and now expects that immediate gratification of finding someone. In society we expect to send mail with a click of a button, to find answers to our questions instantaneously, to watch television programs whenever we want to, to carry around a phone with the numbers saved on it, but should it become a norm to expect immediate gratification from a dating website, to expect to find one’s “soul mate” on it? Wouldn’t it be better to wait and to let things pertaining to one’s love life happen or even make them happen in the real world rather than in the cyber world?
I think that it is very difficult to say whether people can find true love online. One could easily say, “Oh, one could never fall in love through emails” but one could also say, “One could never find their soulmate in high school”, and yet that tends to happen. I don’t think it is fair for people to be judges of online activity, though it is important to be safe. I do think, however, there is some questioning going on when one hears stories of girls becoming engaged to people they meet online when having never actually met their fiancé in person.
ReplyDeleteI think there definitely is a stigma when somebody hears that a couple met online. I can relate to people being skeptics based on a personal story that happened in my family. After two failed marriages, one of my uncles took to the Internet to meet someone new. He actually “fell in love” with a woman that he met a chatroom. The woman and my uncle eventually met up and dated and then actually got married. Throughout their dating and even at their wedding, my family was very skeptical of my uncle’s new bride because of the online connection. I think the skepticism ties into something that Baron and Davis said in Chapter 9, “People were protected from manipulation by opinion leaders and their own-well formed, intensely held attitudes…Researchers concluded that if the barriers protecting people were broken down, individuals could be easily manipulated” (230). In other words, had my uncle met his wife at a party, one of his friends who knew the woman could have said (and these are just examples), “Oh, don’t talk to her, she just uses people for their money” or “It would be bad for you to date her because I heard she’s gotten into some trouble with the law”. But online, there is no friend to protect you. There is nobody to give warnings or give someone the thumbs-up sign. You are completely on your own, which can sometimes be scary. Six years after my uncle got married, he and his wife got divorced. People in the family were still mumbling that it was because they had met in a chatroom.
As I stated earlier, I will not say that it is completely impossible for people to have a real relationship from meeting online, but I do think some face-to-face meeting time is important. I feel that if ones online relationship is purely based on LoL’s and :p faces, then they can never really succeed in a serious relationship. In Chapter 33, McQuail speaks of interviews conducted with television viewers. The viewers stated, “I watch because ‘it’s a bit of relaxation’, ‘I don’t have anything to do for the moment’ and ‘you can see things that don’t happen for real’” (359). I feel that sometimes, going online is done for the same reasons. If one is simply going online because they don’t have anything to do or they think online is not real, then how can they expect to have a serious online love relationship?
I think people turn to online relationships for several reasons. Some people can simply be shy, some people can use the computer to hide and pretend that they are something that they are not, some people could have given up hope finding a date in the “real world”, and some people could simply want to try something new. Again, it would not be fair of me to judge, although I personally could never have an online relationship. In my case, I need social interaction with a person from day one.
I don’t know if the Internet has made it easier to fulfill a need for love, as much as it has made people think they can fulfill a need for love. One cannot just magically fall in love. I am sure there are cases such as love at first sight and things of that nature, but in a good amount of cases, that simply does not happen. Perhaps sometimes, the Internet makes people think that with just one click they will instantly know they have found the love of their life. The Internet’s “power of love” is a little misleading.
All of this talk about people forming relationships through online dating websites leads me to think of the ultimate online relationship phenomenon…the so-called “mail order bride”. I had never heard of such a thing until a kid I know from my town’s father in fact ordered a wife online from the Philippines. Immediately when hearing about this I wondered how in the world is there such a thing, how could you order a wife online? It seems to me rather ridiculous and I know that what I’m about to say will be rather controversial because tons of people join sororities and fraternities however I view the idea of joining a sorority or frat in essence the same type of concept however clearly a much lesser commitment. I view joining a frat or sorority as simply buying friends and I view buying a mail order bride as simply paying someone to “love” you, in both situations you are in fact paying money to have relationships whether they are on the friend or marriage level.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of online dating sites and all of the quizzes you have to take in order for the websites to be able to sort through the information to figure out who you are “compatible” with I have to wonder about a saying from long ago…What ever happened to the idea that “opposites attract?” If these websites are meshing people together due to the quizzes they take and how much they have in common than the idea that opposites attract isn’t even taken into question. “Social situations can produce tensions and conflicts, leading to pressure for their easement through media consumption” (Baran & Davis 241) This makes me wonder whether the majority of the people who choose to use these online dating websites are socially awkward and/or are nervous to interact with people face to face because perhaps face to face interaction causes this tension, conflict and pressure so they choose to meet people online first. I personally find the idea of meeting a stranger online with the intention of seeking a relationship to be completely awkward and strange. A girl that I used to play soccer with years ago met her boyfriend online on a dating website and perhaps I found it weird because I always thought she was pretty strange herself, but when she came out and told one of my teammates how she had met her boyfriend on a dating website she told the girl not to tell anyone else on the team. Therefore I certainly believe that there is a stigma attached to the concept of seeking relationships using online dating sites, if there wasn’t a stigma then people who have used these sites and met their boyfriends, fiancés or husbands wouldn’t hide the details of how they met as my teammate did.
Katz, Gurevitch and Haas developed a central notion and stated on page 166 that “mass communication is used by individuals to connect (or sometimes disconnect) themselves – via instrumental, affective, or integrative relations – with different kinds of others (self, family, friends, nation, etc).” This statement I believe fits perfectly with the reason why people communicate using any and all sorts of technology. People like me choose to stay connected with friends and family by calling them when I don’t see them or using sites such as Facebook to stay connected with friends who go to other schools. Those who use online dating sites are attempting to connect with others on a computer based communication level initially at least. They are seeking to form relationships with others whom they meet online. I completely understand why people choose to use online dating websites and I don’t believe that it is right or wrong, I don’t believe I or anyone else has the right to judge whether online dating sites are good or bad. I believe that to each his own and while I find the idea of meeting someone with the intention to date them using an online dating website completely strange and awkward; others find it normal and comforting. While reading I noticed when performing studies based on uses and gratifications, “they are based on the assumption that the individual, by his use of the mass media, obtains a reward in the form of needs gratifications” (McQuail 356). It is obvious that an individual only joins online dating websites with the intention of getting a reward, the reward in this case being a relationship with someone. These people are single (or pretend to be) and are struggling to find the “right” person so they turn to online dating websites to give them a try. I don’t believe that the internet has made it easier to find love because even if you meet someone on one of the many online dating websites and you get along great online, it doesn’t mean that in person you might be totally wrong for each other. I do however believe that online dating websites have made people feel that it is easier in many ways to find someone to be with simply because everyone on the website is looking for the same thing…love. While when you meet someone in person you have no idea initially if they are already in a relationship or if they are looking to be in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI think it is possible to maintain a relationship online, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. The second one is harder to do I am sure, but people do it all the time. These dating websites are popular and do work for many people. I know someone who used a dating website and found a good match and now they are married, so it is possible for these sites to work. Some people are skeptical about these sites, but I'm not because of what I have witnessed, myself. It is also possible to make friends online, whether it be through social networking sites or by any other means. Again, there are people who don't believe this and therefore don't do this. As Baran and Davis say, "Defenders of new media advocate the merits of using social networking websites, e-mail, and text messaging to maintain contact with a wide range of distant friends (Baran & Davis, 241)." They also talk about how what if people never form any new relationships because they are clinging onto old ones through the Internet and how it could be difficult to stay in touch with old high school friends and that could lead a person to not form new relationships with people off the web (Baran & Davis, 241). I think that this is where the Internet can not be such a good thing, but not everyone has only online friends and no offline friends. People have a mixture and it's fine, to me. I have friends I keep in touch with online and it hasn't kept me from forming new friendships off the Internet. So, I do think it's possible to make and keep relationships using the Internet.
ReplyDeleteKatz, Gurevitch and Haas posed an interesting question, "Which, indeed, are the attributes that render some media more conducive than others to satisfying specific needs (Kats, Gurevitch & Haas, 168). I find it interesting because I believe that the Internet is probably the best part of the media when it comes to allowing people to satisfy specific needs. The Internet has wesbites to meet people on and it's easy to do and sometimes free or pretty cheap. It can also be fun to do. These attributes of the Internet satisfy people's needs. People want to make friends or they want to find a special somebody. Sometimes it is hard to do that in person, so they go online to do this. It seems easier online and it works from time to time. These online dating services and social networking services satisfy people's needs to be friends with people, to date people, and to be liked by people. I believe that the Internet has made it easier for people to find someone to like or love and I believe that that is a good thing.
When reading through Jen's blog many different thoughts came to my mind. She pinpointed numerous ideas that I agreed with about online dating sites as well as real life dating. Like those people that Jen mentioned who came to school freshman year with a girlfriend and realized the long-distance relationship wouldn't work, I was one of them. Despite having the ease of communication through cell phones, text messaging and Internet, I found the distance to be too difficult to uphold a meaningful relationship. However, to answer the question posed about whether two people can sustain a long-distance relationship online and barely see each other, my answer is YES (I'm just not one of them).
ReplyDeletePersonally, I know of a few people who have met via online dating sites, and it works well for them. A main reason as to why online relationships work appropriately is because this type of communication is "used by individuals to connect (or sometimes disconnect themselves) - via instrumental, affective, or integrative relations - with different kinds of others (self, family, friends, nation, etc.)" (Katz, Blumler, Gurevitch 166). This is also a reason that blogging has become so popular but ultimately substantiates justification for how online dating sites make it possible for individuals to communicate with others who may be similar to them. They simply find people who match their interests and personality. Furthermore, according to the uses and gratifications model that we have learned about, this can explain to us why such long distance relationships can work via the Internet. And how people get satisfaction from them. Thomas Ruggiero provides the most appropriate explanation for this by saying "interactivity in mass communication has long been considered 'the degree to which participants in the communication process have control over, and can change roles in their mutual discourse'" (Baran and Davis 237). Essentially this argument points out that the Internet helps people achieve their goals because of its interactivity and capability to change their roles in using it. The Internet is much different than TV because you can manipulate it to do what you want it to. That is why this access has allowed people to use capabilities such as webcams, sites, and messaging in order to uphold an online relationship. It is everything a relationship has minus tangibility.
As shown from before, the amount of people seeking to engage in online dating naturally must increase due to the Internet explosion. Since the Internet has made it incredible easy to do anything, online dating has become a popular trend. Baran and Davis write, "new media can bring about widespread changes in what people do with the media. It is important to remember that our personal uses of media are never unique to ourselves - thousands and often millions of other people engage in the same activities - often at the same time" (229). For this reason alone, it is clear to see how using an online sating site can match two compatible people. The benefits of online dating probably outweigh those in regular dating for numerous reasons. The people online are looking for the same things, you can find a multitude of different users in rapid time and those people will be accustomed to online dating. To find these key characteristics in a person with the click of a mouse is no wonder to me how more and more people have met via the Internet. The uses of the Internet are infinite and people will always find ways to make it suit their needs - that is exactly what the uses and gratification model tells us. As for online dating, the benefits are clearly outlined but the usage depends on the person.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading all the blogs above, it is really interesting to see how everyone perceives the new media and dating websites in specific. With the development of new media, our society has become surrounded with all of these forms of constant information and entertainment at our finger tips. In my opinion, in some ways this is valuable to people because it enables them to have constant connection with other people who may not be close by and it also makes it easier for people to keep in tune with what is going on in the world around them.
ReplyDeleteBaran and Davis discuss the idea of this new media when saying, “It’s important to remember that our personal uses of media are never unique to ourselves- thousands and often millions of other people engage in the same afctivities-often at the same time” (229). I do feel that for this exact reason people feel more comfortable using the internet to make personal connections. The idea that someone else out there is using the internet for the same purposes makes people feel more at ease. I think this directly connects to the reasons people do feel that online dating is a useful form of connecting with people and perhaps even starting relationships. If people know that other people are using dating websites to find love they will feel more comfortable using it as well. Another concept that Baran and Davis also talked about which I feel relates directly to online is the idea that people use specific media outlets and use specific media content in order to get specific results, or have certain needs gratified. The reason people do use outlets such as dating websites, is to find a companion, where they might not have found one in day to day life. The online dating allows people who may not be as outgoing face to face, to express themselves in another manner where they can feel more comfortable through the computer screen. While this relationship through a computer screen may have a number of downfalls, the person may make a real connection with someone and build their self confidence to take things past just the screen, even in other situations. While these websites may not satisfy everyone; Katz, Blumler, and Gurevitch, explain this saying, “The media compete with other sources of need satisfaction. The needs served by mass communication constitute but a segment of the wider range of human needs, and the degree to which they can be adequately met through mass media consumption certainly varies” (165). The needs of everyone are not the same and websites and media outlets such as dating websites may not work for everyone, that is why the media is competing to come up with sources that will satisfy other people.
In 2005, my aunt and (now) uncle tied the knot in the Puck Building in New York City. They met online through a dating website for Jewish singles entitled JDate.com. My mother didn’t want to tell me that they met that way because she knew that with my big mouth I would never let them hear the end of it. At first I thought it was an act of desperation, a total illusion, and more than anything else a force. However; five years later they are still in love, and have two children. Maybe it is too early to tell, but they seem to be perfect for one another.
ReplyDeleteSo, can you find love on the internet? I guess so. Why not? My aunt and uncle did. Something must be working with these sites because everyday I see about five eHarmony or Match.com commercials. Jennifer asked, “…why do people turn to online relationships to begin with?” I believe that people see it as a last resort. Perhaps people don’t have the time to go out and meet people because of work or other obligations. I personally believe that this is just an excuse, but what do I know about love, right? Or maybe some people just really never had luck finding anyone they connected with. It’s my understanding that these websites match individuals on compatibility…I guess that makes sense. It eliminates the first step…finding what you have in common. But doesn’t that ruin the excitement?
Jennifer also asked, “Do you think with technologies like webcams and text messaging, it is possible to maintain a relationship where two people barely see each other in the “real” world?” I am not sure how to answer this question. I mean, it’s been done. I have seen it work and I have seen it fail. Is it healthy? Probably not. Does it impersonalize a relationship? Absolutely. But, who am I to determine the feelings that two people have for one another? I guess if two people are willing to make it work via technology, then perhaps we shouldn’t criticize them. I know couples that see each other everyday, and all I can think is, they need some time apart…maybe they should invest in a web cam!
In Baran and Davis they say that “defenders of new media advocate the merits of using social networking websites, e-mail, and text messaging to maintain contact with a wide range of distant friends” (p.241). This is very true. We are in a world of individuals in search of instant gratification. Instead of making the long distance phone call, I’ll send an e-mail. Instead of leaving a voice mail, I’ll send a text message. And now, with social networking sites, I can see what distant friends are up to everyday. Pertaining this information to relationships and dating, all of this is just part of the game now! A text eliminates the awkward phone call. Social networking gives a person an inside look on the other’s life. Is this a good thing? No way! It impersonalizes everything. People get cyber courage, and definitely don’t act like they normally would in person. So how can you tell if the feelings are real? I guess you can’t...
Katz, Blumler, and Gurevitch say that “mass communication is used by the individual to connect themselves” (166). Is this true? It seems to me that an individual uses mass communication to disconnect themselves. But what do I know?
I think that what Jenn is saying about these social network dating websites is interesting. It is true that feelings are split 50/50 between people who swear by these dating websites, are are determined to find their soulmate; while others perceive the websites as “creepy,” and unrealistic. I personally believe that this is based on how a person views love and what they want from it. I personally and a girl that is not looking for that serious relationship, because I feel that I am too young to be tied down, and that I want to explore the world. I don’t think that I would ever resort to a dating website, to find the cliché “man of my dreams.” However, if I am 30+ years old, and start to realize that I am not having any luck in the love department, I could possibly see myself turning to this dating website frenzy, in desperate needs for a companion to settle down with.
ReplyDelete“This simple idea – that people put specific media and specific media content to specific use in the hopes of having some specific need or set of needs gratified – forms the basis of the theory discussed in this chapter. Unlike many of the perspectives we’ve examined already, these active-audience theories do not attempt to understand what the media do to people but, rather, focus on assessing what people do with media. (Baran and Davis 229)” What this quote is trying to say is that people use the media to defend their outlook on how they feel about a specific situation. It looks at what people decide to do with media, and how they choose to use it to approve or dis-approve of something. This is a perfect example of what Jenn says, when she speaks about some people feeling that they need dating websites, while other see it as “creepy.” For example, someone who perceives these social networking sights as not beneficical, they may be looking at the commercials (showing success stories,) as complete B.S. Also, they may take any news story about a cyber stalker, and associate it with the social networking site – even if they claim they are a safe website. However, someone desperate for love could take these commercials, and advertisements, as hope; that they can have a love, just like the people in the advertisements do.
“Of course, it cannot be denied that media exposure often has a causal origin; the issue is whether, in addition, patterns of media use are shaped by more or less definite expectations of what certain kinds of content have to offer the audience member. (Katz, Blumler & Gurevitch 164)” I think this helps to answer Jenn’s second question, of “why” people turn to these social networking sites. This wuote is saying that the audience uses the media almost to gratify their feelings. A person who wants love, but is not able to find love themself, will look at these dating websites as their answer to their cries for help. And someone who is in a serious relationship, who doesn’t need any help looking for love, will look at these sites as in-accurate, and unnecessary. It’s in the eyes of the beholder, how you choose to respond to what media is being shown.
I think as we get farther into the 21st century, there will be even more perks of dating websites. For example, speed dating online. I think that with divorce rates become higher, and people become more busy with their careers, dating websites will only become more prevalent.